On Heat

I hate heat.

I am currently writing this from my room, the average temperature of which I estimate to be somewhere between surface-of-the-sun and Alyson Hannigan kelvin. Yes, the windows are open.
I am a warm person. I have been referred to as "The Human Radiator", a title which has shown considerable use during the winter. This naturally means that I do not do well in the summer. I tend to, well, melt. I'll be walking along the street and people will be going "Watch out, don't step in the James". Cars crash when I cross the road simply because my liquid form significantly lowers the coefficient of friction between their tyres and the road. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But my point still stands.

It would be like this, just 98% less ho...weird.

Christ's sake, this is meant to be England. We don't get hot weather. Americans come here specifically so they can coo at Buckingham Palace and be amused at the English weather. I work part time at the desk in an airport taxi company, and the main source of humour that seems to be shared with the passengers is "Welcome to England and it's lovely weather lolshittyirony". The people I work with are not that smart. If their primary source of banter is lost, what will they do? They can make jokes about how novel the warm weather is, but where's the irony in that? Irony, even of such polluted quality, makes these people feel smart, and without it, well, they resort to thinly-veiled-if-veiled-at-all racism, which they don't seem to understand is a bad thing, no matter how many meaningful glares I throw their way. In addition, if people are coming from abroad, they are missing out on a significant part of British culture, namely how fucking miserable it is.

He's an English prince you know.

Currently the only solution is to focus on other areas of traditional British culture, specifically quality beer and the inability to move without being watched by cameras. Seriously, I'm in the privacy of my own home right now and there is nothing watching me not doing anything illegal.

Now that's how to do irony.


In other news, I am going to make Saturday my update day. Maybe I'll be more inclined to post more if I actually have a schedule.

Be sure not to miss the post in half a years time when I complain about how fucking cold it is.

Slimegirl source: http://visublog.mechafetus.com/archives/185. Actually, looking at the rest of the site, I think I pretty much just linked you to porn.