The reasons the others failed are as varied as they are uninteresting. But I am going to try to recall them anyway for reasons that I will come to.
First, was my webcomic phase. I was young, in secondary school, middle school I believe. Year 10 or 11, or however that translates to those of you from America. Or Scotland, for that matter. I digress. I had often made little comics featuring whatever idealised self insert I could think of at the time. These ranged from Bob, a gravity-defying-haired surfing stickman with a talking cat, to Doctor Dameon, a psychiatrist with a House like attitude towards his patients (I would first watch House about 3 years later. Just saying). Both of these I created, as most other webcomic "artists" do, to become Internet Famous. I was just getting to grips with what the Internet was, and it was fascinating, the concept that I could upload pictures and people would praise me for it, because, to quote Yahtzee "You could wipe your ass on a page of Megaman sprites and there will still be someone on Comic Genesis who will tell you it's brilliant". These however fell victim to my increasingly growing impatience and need for originality. Once I realised I was ripping off Garfield, CAD, and whoever else, I let the sites fall.
Next was my reviewing. If you'll look around my account, you may notice that I'm not quite out of this phase yet, though given my last post in that particular blog, it's clearly well overdue. I may even delete it after this post. Let's see if I remember. Yet this is not where it began, oh no. Before EM was created, I was first jumping into the realm of website creation and design. From scratch. How hard can it be? I thought. So quickly I got myself a free .cc domain, a WordPress account, and got everything together. I made up a witty name, Tone Deaf music reviews, I put up reviews that no-one read and I was happy. Well, mildly amused at my own good self.
Then I became a dirty hipster.
Everyone uses Wordpress. Lets find a more obscure blogging platform. Sure it might be unstable but fuck if I won't be the coolest cat in town.
Long story short, a few site overhauls, lots of accidentally deleted content and a couple of extremely stupid months later it was all too much than I could be bothered with. I was making a shitty music review site that no-one read. This was far too much trouble. I wasn't committed, I wasn't going to update, I had exams and other projects, and a slowly dwindling social life to save.
This process happened about 2-3 times. Eventually I accidentally let the site go unchanged for a few months and the domain guys killed it off. Fair enough. I wasn't using it, so why let me take up the space?
Somewhere along the line I discovered 4chan, and so discovered /mu/, and so discovered music blogs like We Fucking Love Music. I decided that I wanted a piece of that particular pie again. But I would be smart. Yes, this would be a small operation, that I would only give to my friends. They would tell other people and they would tell other-yada yada yada. Once again I fell to the dreams of Internet Fame. I created Excess Music, and started posting my posts to Facebook. All was once again well. I had what amounted to a website, I guess, and I was "reviewing" music. And then I forgot about it and stopped updating. Then I remembered, but I was too busy. Then I remembered again but just couldn't be bothered. Other sites like it were getting shut down, and while mine was too small to really matter, I didn't fancy getting sued. Once again it just because too much trouble for what it was worth.
I'm sure I've forgotten small things, blogs started but ignored, forums joined but forgotten. Lots of small attempts to reach above the backwash of anonymity to grab a piece of the sacred Internet Famous cake.
So, some time passes and I think to myself "I need a blog". Just 'cause. No ulterior motive, just somewhere to put my thoughts. If other people want to read it, I welcome it, but primarily I just need somewhere that's mine.
And that's why, if you're still reading, I put you through the above. Maybe you found it interesting. Maybe it struck a chord with you, I don't know. I have no illusions that I am the only one with such experiences.
Even now you can see I am asking for some kind of readership. The quest for Internet Fame is a hard one to break. Anonymity is a blessing and a curse, and given the number of Facebook stalking cases you hear about, many clearly wish to be more than everyone else, be it through adding everyone you don't know on the social networking site of your choice or uploading videos of yourself being a complete twat on YouTube. And obviously I'm no different. The very creation of a blog instead of just writing a pen and paper journal is testament to that.
I don't want to be Internet Famous. That is what I will tell myself. I don't want to be Internet famous. Being Internet Famous is usually the result of being a complete fuckwad. To get famous on the Internet quick you have to make yourself a caricature. A screaming, attention whoring zoo animal, that people keep coming back to to see if you'll fling shit at the camera again. Or, god forbid, a meme.
True, some people make it without sacrificing their dignity. Plenty of people actually. And maybe one day I'll find myself wanting to become one of them again. And maybe I'll have the commitment to do so. For now though, I don't want to be Internet Famous.
That said, I'd settle for being Internet Liked.
And I'm still going to post this to my Twitter
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